We are bluetooth, you will be assimilated

It saddens me that bluetooth wireless headsets have become a fashion accessory.

Problem #1: Headset stealth creates awkward moments when you don’t know that person is actually engaged in a conversation with a human, and not invisible pink maniacal unicorns. This evening, on the way down from my floor, the elevator stops at 3 and a comely woman gets on. As soon as the doors close, she asks a very suggestive question about whether she would look good in — oh, I forget, let’s just call it the “Lion Tamer Outfit.”   Witty retort.  Strange look. Oh, you’re not talking to me.

Problem #2: It’s rude. In our building, there’s this dude in the office across the hall who’s some kind of mortgage big wig.   With a conventional phone, he’d have to pause his conversation when he attends to bodily functions in the men’s room.  With wireless, he doesn’t need to pause.  I can’t not listen to his half-conversation. I wonder if he wears this in dining situations…

Problem #3: They look stupid. If you’re a fifty-something guy with a clean-shaven head and a bluetooth thing attached to your ear, flashing, you look like a Lobot groupie.   I’m sorry, it’s true.  Also, just so you know, the little blue LED cannot be seen by the person who actually cares about the connectivity.

Problem #4: despite the hands-free mode, it still distracts people from driving. Seriously.  You cannot be engaged in an important conversation and operate heavy machinery.  Pull over.  

Image sources:

1) Locutus of Borg, Star Trek: The Next Generation, “Best of Both Worlds”

2) Lobot, The Empire Strikes Back

3) “Schizophrenic or wireless headset?,” Urban Etiquette

4) Sexy woman doing her nails or dicing onions or something, Groupo Utopia