I’m not sure why I ended up browsing Google Offers’ deals in the Seattle area, but as I staring at the URL, wondering if I mistyped the name as ĠõøǤĿë, I was left with the impression that this is a not-dead-yet project done to as a checkbox for someone in upper management who thought they must jump on the local deals bandwagon, but only part-way. These are ads that would benefit from more stock photography, proofreading, and anything to actually help the businesses in question.
On page two of the Seattle Deals section I saw a trilogy of people in suits making handshakes. Suits and pristine, callous-free hands are not something one associates with well-skilled people in remodeling, sewing, or furnace repair.
- Hello, Stock Person In A Suit!
But at least they’re different suits, right? Let’s move one page forward, where we see a dire situation for Offers restaurants: a single stock personal pepperoni pizza shot that’s kinda unappetizing. I know Romio’s fantastic G.A.S.P. (garlic, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes, and pesto) is more photogenic.
The stock might be forgivable if there was an attempt to offer customization, like a logo emblazoned on front. Or if the people in suits were were shaking a pizza, because that would be funny. Business hand, meet cheese pie. Pie, serious but callous-free hand.
This ad gave me a chuckle at the prospect of printing a stack of Benjamins so I could buy a case of Altoids mints with my next G.A.S.P.
Getting a top coat on my money might make it sturdy enough that the stupid !#$!$ vending machine accepts it as legal tender. Until then, I will continue to hoard dollar coins from the local car wash.
In the example below, I understand that the photo is a technician removing the back window of a minivan, but the caption offering me “$100 off shower job of $650 or more” sounds like a disturbing euphemism.
One more page, and we’ve run out of local businesses. This example is for a online stock-trading course whose business is extremely SEO savvy. Identical coupons have appeared on the other coupon sites.
Last, is a section of non-offer offers. This vendor doesn’t bother with art, but its use of the spammy “HGH” and offering a gift to attend their “weekly meeting” is…
