NNWM

Drown in a barrel of feral, plastic monkeys Unnecessarily provoke a “Code Elmo” alert with the Portage Security Association — they’re much like our TSA, but with better accents and 20% more common sense Contract a fatal infection from the paper cut he got while licking the envelope on a strongly-worded letter to the editor Pranksters paint his head like a soccer ball and bury him neck deep in a grassy field frequented by Beckham wannabees. As a commissioned sales representative for an Armour and Weapons Emporium scandalized by cheap, Saxon knock-offs, discovers the fury of knights returning from failed quests because the Rope of Hercules can be tugged apart by a gradeschool student; the Shield of Invulnerability catches fire when the battery used to power the blinking marketing bling lights overheats; or the Sword of Cutting doesn’t, because its blade is serrated. (First two ideas courtesy of Kiri.) While selling “libido enhancement pills” made from dried amphibian parts and graham crackers, he spams the wrong, ill-tempered Wizard with Email ID. A freak accident with microwave popcorn Didn’t read all eighteen pages of the privacy agreement, consented to being fed to squirrels. Went swimming ten minutes after eating Thanksgiving pizza Ran with scissors, shoes tied together What else am I missing?